CONTACT — babeatron3000

i have it half and half pretty good right now so im just going to list everything.

good:

amazing lovely supportive the one boyfriend i am so in love with

graduated

currently staying for a month in one bed flat\

wait im not done.

good:

amazing lovely supportive the one boyfriend i am so in love with

graduated

currently staying for a month in one bed flat

have job currently which i can (if i bust my ass) pay rent and live off of i guess

coming off antidepressants cos life is good

know so many cool fun people met through my boyfriend, have really nice friends in pockets all over london

good relationship with my mom and sister

good relationship with my boyfriends family\

ok so bad:

- do not like job as its family run and the boss' dad is essentially the root of all the problems at the business but obvs is not going anywhere

- fell out with uni friends, i had to emotionally cut them off/ out becausse they were hurting me so much, just became so weird towards end of uni, simply just didnt like me, feels like i lost a lot of people which sux, but those that know me still know me, those that havent reached out havent reached out

- only in this place, paradise, for one month

- coming off antidepressents is hard

- life changing

-work a lot, no studio yet so no set creative time which is hard to feel satisfied with

- have a job yet still no money

- anxieties are just anxieties but they get me down

i do want something better. theres a lot that i want. a stable living siutation,.i guess i just need to take comfort that everything will work out in the end. i will get myself in and out of many situations. I just cant see the path just yet. getting my head down and getting busy is the best way forward. not putting pressure on which creative outlet will be my breakthrough but just enjoying being creative when i can. one thing is im so sick of my own sound. i think im way too critical and dont just listen for something that i think sounds good. i compare myself to everyone else (musically). i wish i didnt have to work but i have to, it makes me who i am. and finishing every day is another step in the right direction. money in my pocket. i feel like i cant save anything at the minuute which is hard but anything could change! i could move in with my boyf, i could move city or country or a zombie apocalypse could start. who can tell.